Archive for February, 2009

Too Soon To Recall

Posted in Uncategorized on February 26, 2009 by The DvS


Total Recall. We all loved it, and I, for one, feel better that I have it sitting in my collection. How we loved Verhoeven’s displays of bulging faces when in contact with Mars’ uninhabitable atmosphere, Arnie shouting “EEEEYOWARR” in a chair, Michael Ironside losing his arms after forgetting how to travel in elevators, and as above, alien women with three titties.

Ha.Ha.Ha. You dink dis is dur REEL Quaid? Id isBRAKKA BRAKKA BRAKKA. Legendary.

The film’s still fresh in our minds and our hearts, especially as it’s on at least one channel a week. So, we ask the question:

WHY ARE COLUMBIA PICTURES PLANNING TO REMAKE THIS?

Someone seems to think it’s a genius of an idea, such as producer Neil H Moritz, head of a company called Original Films. Yeah, I’m rolling around with the irony too. He’s pitched for the remake platter, claiming that a more faithful interpretation of Philip K Dick’s short story on which it is based upon, We Can Remember It For You Wholesale would benefit with today’s film making technologies.

I think it’s way too soon to even begin about contemplating this. The film’s great as it is, in all of it’s sci fi cheesiness. We’ve grown accustomed to all of it’s typical Arnie one liners, gratuitious Paul Verhoeven bloodshed and still some great special effects. How exactly can you improve a woman with three beubs anyway? And besides, there’s plenty of other sci fi writers out there other than Phillip K Dicks, you know…

Never Ever Ever Ending Story

Posted in Uncategorized on February 26, 2009 by The DvS

In their continuation of their latest obsession to rape the child hood memories of adults in their late twenties and early thirties, Hollywood have announced they are remaking The Never Ending Story.

Now in fairness the, admittedly awesome movie, doesn’t really follow the original novel too closely (and is only the first part of the aforementioned book, the rest was made up through the weak ass sequels) so there’s a chance this may be one of those decent remakes (I can’t think of any off of the top of my head). We’ll see…

However without the eighties awesomness of Limahl the idea does worry me slightly… okay I’m terrified of change godammit!

Click for singing funz

The "Buzz" About Green

Posted in Uncategorized on February 24, 2009 by The DvS

The Green Hornet movie has been talked about since even before Watchmen tin lunchboxes were conceived. It’s had a fair few people attached to it, Kevin Smith was approached, but pulled out, then the current golden boy of Hollywood comedy, Seth Rogen has been talked about getting involved, with starring and script duties. Stephen Chow of Kung Fu Hustle and Shaolin Soccer fame is also tagged to this, previously on to direct but looking more so to fill Bruce Lee’s shoes as butt kicking sidekick, Kato.

Today, Variety have published a new stirring pot for discussion. It’s apparent new director. You know him of late for Be Kind Rewind. That man is Michel Gondry. And that’s all I have to go on! So far every site has just printed two sentences on this news, and nothing else. Speculation or reality? We’ll find out when someone writes a paragraph.

Slow news day

Posted in Uncategorized on February 24, 2009 by The DvS

So Jon Favreau has confirmed Emily Blunt will not be playing Black Widow. Not really news worthy I know but it’s an excuse to show Dushku in a cat suit. Dang.

Live Blammo Oscars Blog!

Posted in Uncategorized on February 23, 2009 by The DvS

DISCLAIMER: Expect bad spelling and bad grammar in the following. Also large amounts of alcohol were consumed so this may come across as rather cryptic. Sorry.

So I’m already annoyed.
Next Winkleman and Gok are doing the ‘expert commentating’ so I’m even more annoyed. Whatever happened to the wonderful days of Barry Norman at 2am, drunk as a Wogan, falling asleep in his comfy, dimly lit room?
Anyway I’m going to post away all night til I’m too drunk to stay awake any longer so expect soem really brilliant posts that will then be deleted the next morning before my agent reads them and fires me.
Sponsored by Moet. Damn I love that stuff.
Hehaparently Mickey Rourke has refused to sign on to Iron Man 2 until after this evening. Bloody good work there sir.
Oooow pretty!
Oh Wolverine made a racist joke about New Zealand. Funniez!
Heh Wolverine is singing! This is fun! I actually prefer this 20 dollar version that the Billy Crystal 20 million dollar versions!
Okay first nomination is up. After the energy of Jackman this is rather boring.

Best Supporting Actress
Ah cool Penelope Cruz gets the first award meaning the BLAMMO is up one point in teh oscar sweep stake!
Nice lil speech with a bit of swearing at Jade Goody in Spanish at the end (I assume).

Best Original Screenplay
Tina Fay and Steve Martin up for presenting… with the latter being funny for the first time since Bowfinger. Is Tina Fey that great? It would seem so. Yes.
Anyway – C’mon ‘In Bruges‘!
Bah – MILK wins. Over the top over stereotypical American speech.

Best Adapted Screenplay.
Tina Fey is secseee. Probably The Reader will win here or Slumdog. Yup Slumdog. It’s hard to remember that this was almost a straight to video film. Nice to see a Brit up there, or at very least a man not talking about God. Good short speech, straight to the point.

Best Animated Feature
Jack Black is awesome and Jennifer Anniston is not very funny. Cheeky little cut to Angelina Jolie to please the gossip pages. If WallE doesn’t win here then the whole thing is a sad joke. It’s stupid that it wasn’t a Best Picture nomination.
YES! Wall E gets it. Nice little speech.

Best Animated Short
Nice little banter between the old lady and JD. Oh sorry wasn’t paying attention. Japanese guy won – awesoem short speech.
SKY TV showing how rubbish it is again with Danny Wallace being the only person’s opinion I care about there.

Best Art Design.
It’s James Bond and… his horse?
This has to be Dark Knight.
Benjamin Button? Godamn you Oscars. It’s amazing looking but Dark Knight is astounding. Bah. I suspect this traversty had something to do with the horse.
Generic thank you speech by one guy then awkward silence then music came in at the start of the second guy’s.

Best Costume Design
James Bond seems to be having trouble with the autocue. Maybe Dutchess or Australia. Yeah The Dutchess. Pretty dresses and all that.
Very nervous speech from another Brit.
I’m really liking this theatrical set design.

OKay my stream froze so I missed Benjamin Button win Best Make up – contreversial choice as that was enhanced with CGI.
Now the teenage vampire guy and a hot blonde chick seem to be presenting a showreel of romantic scenes from movies. Bring back Wolverine!
Oh Christ more SKY TV crap. BRING BACK BARRY NORMAN – this old woman is appaling.

Best Cinematography
Ben Stiller and Nathalie Portman. Stiller is wearing a silly beard. Fuunnnnnny. Nathalie looks beautiful. Dark Knight? Nope – Slumdog. Is Dark Knight even going to get the supporting actor for Heath? Another Brit but dull speech.
Back to SKY TV studios and for some reason they’re saying how good Jenifer Anniston was. Oh yay – Jessica Beale. Mmmm. Sci Tech awards recap. Okayyyyy. Oh no not back to the studio Sad
Pinapple Express guys skit on the nominated movies. Seth Rogen has lost a shit load of weight! It’s quite a sweet way of showcasing the movies really. “They made me do it Spielberg” – nice line for what is a stale old joke.

Best Live Action Short
Heheh nice presentation and the win goes to SPGHGKHGKHGgeleund (sic). Charming German guy who really seemed delighted.
Uh oh advert break… does this mean more SKY TV people? Oh god here we go. Oh thank God – we’re back with Wolverine. It’s another musical number! And Beyonce has joined him as they go through a medley of musical numbers. Heh yeah this is fun – shame the sound balance isn’t perfect. Loving the way the music seems to keep cutting to the Dr Evil theme before each advert break. I bet Sean Penn doesn’t like what Wolverine has doen to his award ceremony!

Best Supporting Actor
Several super star ex winners come out and do a better job than the ladies did earlier. Heh Cuba jnr lightly taking the piss out of Downey Jnr for taking the roles of ‘brothers’ by doing it so well in black face.There will be Boos if Ledger doesn’t get this. And it goes to… Heath Ledger. Ah top stuff. Ledger’s family accept in his place. Brad Pitt looks like he’s about to cry. So does everyone actually. Oh – Nolan looks liek he’s keeping it together! Yeah nice speech.
A little showreel on how film making has changed in late. Nice enough but hardly inspiring.

Best Documentary
Some critically acclaimed ones in this category but I suspect Man on Wire will get it. Yes! Hahahah amusing speeches. Another win for the Brits (and a lunatic French man). Oh yeah great stuff- the Frenchie is doing magic tricks and balancing the statue on his head – this will displease a certain Milk actor!

Best Short Docu
Wow that seemed to happen very quickly. Smile Pinky wins. Sorry I have no idea about this one. Very excitable speech about the plights of whatever her docu was about.

Damn frozen again. Well atleast I don’t have to hear the commentry from the SKY TV folk again. Seriosuly next time guys get Mark Kermode in or that crazy tashed guy who writes for Empire. At any rate find someone who has soem connection with film please!
Right freeze is over! Seem to be in the middle of a montage of action sequences!
Batman Begins music plays and Will Smith has turned up – that makes little sense but okay!

Best Visual Effects
I suspect BB will get this but it seems kinda unfair now considering it was awarded Best Make Up. Yeah BB. Ah well they really were incredible in this movie. Generic speech but nice enough.

Best Sound Editing.
I think Dark Knight will finally get a non Heath Ledger award for this. Yay!!!! About time too. The sound effects really are amazing in The Dark Knight and… oh yeah every one’s seen it so anything I say here is redundant. Aww a big smile from Nolan when mentioned in teh speech.

Best Sound Mixing
Another Dark Knight possibility here? Could go to Slumdog though. Yup, I haven’t seen it but I find it very hard to believe that Slumdog’s sound mixing could bas as great as some of the nominees… how about Wall E?! Ah well really lovely speech. Hehhe you could see the other guys trying to move towards the microphone before the time run out!

Best Editing
Will Smith presenting and is still being charming. Oscar goes to… Slumdog Millionaire. Wow this little movie really has done well. I’m yet to see it but it really is amazing that it’s pummelled the likes of Benjamin Button and The Dark Knight in the award count. Hooray U.K! Danny Boyle hasn’t stopped grinning over the last three hours.

Okay back to the studio. Stupid old bat doesn’t reckon Heath Ledger should have got the award. Danny disagrees. Even the feeling in the room seems to be that she’s a twat. They all seem very fed up with her company.
Eddie Murphy is here to give an award to Jerry Lewis. He hasn’t made any jokes and is just reading from the teleprompt. Bad form Eddie – you could have joined the surprise humour train that Steve Martin was riding! Standing ovation for a man that looks old enough to be a Republican presidential candidate. Jerry is reading from the prompter too which is a shame. Nice short speech though.

Wolverine’s back briefly to introduce the Oscars conductor who is leading the orchestra into samples from the nominated movies. Sounds amazing.

Best Original Score
All wonderful scores so no idea who’ll get it. The winner is… Slumdog Millionaire! Hhehe cheeky little Indian guy gives charming speech.
Okay fatigue kicking in now but all the singing and dancing seemed lovely.

Best Song
The Oscar goes to Slumdog Millionaire. Another nice short speech by the composer.

Best Actor.
Again ex winners come to present. Great predigree though featuing Dougless, Kinglsey, Deniro, Hopkins and Brody. Come on Rourke! Any of these actors can win though… it’s gonna be tight. And the oscar goes to…. Sean Penn. Bah. BAH. GTFO Oscar Sad Decent enough speech though with the obvious political message. Kudos to Penn for the kind words to Rourke.

Best Picture
Oh cool Spielberg. He’s never very good at this kind of thing. Ah good – keep it short. Montage rolls of the nominations juxtaposed against previous winners. And the Oscar for Best Picture 2009 goes to Slumdog Millionaire. Though a bookies fave, a small indie film in nature and theme so, as well as it being a Uk movie, I’m very pleased for it. Good work guys! Standard if decent enough speech – now I want more Wolverine singing and dancing!
Oh balls – we’re back in the studio. Better feeling in the studio no – even Stephanie Beacham seems to have been injected with some joy (though she had already stated she didn’t want Ledger or Winslet to win so must feel slightluy defeated – ha!).

Ah well great evening and I loved the cheap, more intimate version of The Oscars. A cup of tea then bed methinks! Good night all!

Pre Oscar Blammo!

Posted in Uncategorized on February 22, 2009 by The DvS


Well here in the UK it’s only the real hardcore that sit up watching the Oscars on a potentially illegal Internet stream that they found earlier after heavy Google searching. I kinda don’t care so much this year as I feel Oscar has really shown it’s detachment from sense by the shunning of The Dark Knight from the Best pic category and Chris ‘God’ Nolan from the directing one… but we here at Blammo back anything to do with either Nolan’s epic sequel or Arronfsky’s The Wrestler so fingers crossed.

Here’s the Blammo predictions for what will win though:

Best Film – Slumdog Millionaire
Best Director – David Fincher
Best Actor – Mickey Rourke (if there is a god)
Best Actress – Kate Winslet
Best Supp Actor – Heath Ledger
Best Supp Actress – Penelope Cruz
Best Cinematog. – The Dark Knight
Best Original Screenplay – In Bruges (if anyone hasn’t seen this yet I really recommend you do)
Best Adapted Screenplay- Slumdog Millionaire
Best Foreign Film – Waltz With Bashir
Best Score – Benjamin Button
Best Song -Slumdog Millionaire
Best Animated Feature – Wall-E

Let’s see how we do!

Punisher: War Zone

Posted in Reviews on February 22, 2009 by The DvS

Here we are now, faced with attempt number three of transforming the pages of The Punisher to the big screen. After Dolph Lundgren’s disastrous first outing in 1989, followed by Thomas Jane’s 2004 interpretation (which for the record, I actually liked), Marvel have deemed it ideal to once again try to actually get it right. Do they? Sigh…

War Zone will not disappoint you if all you want to watch is non-stop violence that comes thick and fast, you want people’s skulls punched in, you want to see horrific torture, and you want to see more blood than six watchings of Hostel. To it’s credit, a lot of the action scenes were cleverly executed, yet some were just a tad on the unecessary side. But you don’t care about that do you, let’s watch shit go BOOM!

Those, however, who are looking for a bit more depth…well you guessed right, you won’t get it here. Then, The Punisher wasn’t always about depth was it? Let it be said that the script touches on the right waves, but doesn’t make the most of it. As I went through this, and being a fan of Punisher comics, I felt like it was put together by someone flicking through Wikipedia and saying “Yeah! That’s cool! Put that in there!” Oh, such promise could’ve been had with the inclusion of Microchip aiding The Punisher, Jigsaw being the main villain and the inclusion of the Punisher Task Force. As a nerd, I was rather excited.

I feel let down. Jigsaw seemed to be more of a comic relief than a psychopath. Shades of Pacino’s role as Big Boy Caprice in Dick Tracy sprung to mind. If they’d spent more time flushing out the character of Jigsaw, we’d have a formidable match up indeed. Saying that, Ray Stevenson as the Punisher seemed odd to me. I can’t put my finger on it at all, as I was watching, it didn’t seem like I was watching the Punisher, but just a rather tall guy in some combat gear kicking and machine gunning the shit out of people. I also found that like her role in Rambo, Julie Benz, as beautiful as she is, doesn’t get to do much than cry or be emo, and Colin Salmon definately struggles with the American accent.

So is it satisfying? I can’t tell, to be honest. Although the script is dire and some of the acting is wooden, those aren’t the reasons you watch a film like this. You only need to watch it if you’re a fan of action movies and are keen on some cinematic spilling of guts. Although Lexi Alexander has hit some of the right notes in translating some elements of the Punisher Max books into the film, she’s proved that despite being a lovely lady with kickboxing skills, she can step up to make a man’s man of a movie. If she got given another stab at the character, then let’s hope she can get a script worthy of Garth Ennis himself, as that would be the truest Punisher film we’d ever see. Maybe we should just acknoweldge this as a step in the right direction for now and be happy with it.

Two and a half fisted-skulls-on-a-door out of five