Kill Dr Jones! (Please?)

Alright, after yesterday’s Akira canning, and the following news this morning that the planned remake of Hitchock’s The Birds had it’s plug pulled, my coffee fuelled internetting was having a wail of a time. A good wail if you managed to see that video of Anna Paquin’s birthday suit in True Blood. YOU GOT GOOGLE, LOOK FOR IT YOURSELVES.

Good times were ruined sadly, by this nasty, evil piece of news floating around that there is work commencing on *ack* Indiana Jones 5. We can assume that by this slightly, lengthy sentence, spoken by our network’s favourite chap, Shia LaBeef.

“Steven [Spielberg] just said that he cracked the story on it, I think they’re gearing that up”

Ladies & gentlemen, once again this proves by saying something completely stupid like that can upset a whole world. Really now, did anyone actually give a flying fuck for the Crystal And The Kingdom Indiana Skull Of Jones? Care enough to actually see the development of LaBeef’s character? No need to answer, I can see it in your eyes. The film’s performance and reviews should have been the writing on the wall, exclaiming “DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE“.

Cinematically, Modern Indy’s dead to me. We had three fine films, and we didn’t need any more. That was that. By all means, continue the character in comics, games, books, or even stories told on long playing vinyl discs, but think about how old Harrison Ford’s going to be by the time it’s planned to get made. We don’t need another Indy. We CERTAINLY don’t need a “passing of the torch” story, letting LaBeef crack whips as well as “quips“.

Years ago, myself and the Count would never see ourselves saying this, but it applies so true here. We’d be glad to see the back of Dr Jones forever. He is now the equivalent of an uncle you really don’t want to turn up at your house at Christmas. The one time I’ve ever wished euthanasia on anyone is sadly associated with this. Marion was right in Raiders:

Indiana Jones. I always knew some day you’d come walking back through my door. I never doubted that.

Did you think he’d look so old and haggard, Marion? Is that a potential hip replacement? What’s that smell? IS THAT PISS?

2 Responses to “Kill Dr Jones! (Please?)”

  1. countdeceredigion Says:

    This actually has ruined my day. Raiders of the Lost Ark (often cited as my favourite film of all time) was perfect film making in every way. Crystal Something Something Kingdom is hardly a coherent film at all with some hideous acting, atrocious CGI and a last act that you just don’t care about… and all this by one of the world’s most gifted directors? I agree utterly with DVS – Indiana Jones you have betrayed Shiva *Cue crocodiles*

  2. GW Paperstacks Says:

    I have no idea what this post is about, but I don’t like it. I was looking forward to The Birds and Akira and I think the last Indiana Jones was the best one of the lot, also Shia Lebouf is awesome.

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