Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen

Here it is, quite possibly the biggest blockbuster this summer has to offer. And I don’t mean it’s box office figures. The Transformers have returned to the screen, and the only thing possibly bigger than them is Michael Bay’s ego. Judging by the apparent publicity shambles he’s recently ranted about, he must not think any of those are big enough either. So, for the sake of his wishes, I have set up this review with some awesome explosions attached, just to make it oh-so-fucking-spectacular reading. BOOM.

Make no mistake about it, ROTF is certainly bigger than it’s predecessor. The opening scene is a good way to set the standard for what you’ll be expecting over it’s 150 minute runtime. Yes, my friends, it’s length is ridiculous. Is it enough to forgive and forget with it’s plot and action? Yes, and no. BOOM.

So, the story begins with a little insight into Transformers history, and telling us theyve been amongst humanity for longer than we thought. We then go on to learn humans and Autobots have been living in harmony, working together with the military to locate possible Decepticon spies, and deal with them accordingly. It’s here the action really begins, with little introduction to anyone you havent seen before, as you don’t have time for it! You need destruction! You need carnage! You need EXPLOSIONS! The thing here, is that it’s done extremely well, but with one minor..no…MAJOR…flaw that came attached with the last movie. The action moves too quick, and due to the build of the robots, it’s hard to distinguish what part is hitting where. On a smaller screen, it’s a struggle, on the cinema screen it’s nigh on impossible to focus. Get used to it though, because it’ll happen a lot. That’s not to say it doesn’t look magnificent, as once again, the digital effects glisten and gleam amongst the light.

We’ll then join our hero, and the internet’s favourite person in the whole whorld, Shia LeBeef, as Sam Witwicky leaves home to join the college fraternity, and has to disguise his knowledge of fucking about with giant robots in Los Angeles two years previous. During this time, he discovers he has a fragment of the Allspark, the lifespunk of all things Cybertronian, which he touches/merges with that enables him to see strange symbols on things. In the meantime, he has to try and maintain a long distance relationship with Megan Fox, which if it was me, I would abandon college and move my belongings into her underwear to show my love. Decepticons are then made aware that Sam LeBeefwicky has these images (via Soundwave, who in all fairness, turned out much better than I feared), and hunt him down, as they’re the set up to the big bad, The Fallen. INTERGALACTIC BOOM.

It’s a shame that although looking pretty, the intertwining plots don’t seem to gel together well, the film’s strongest moment is at the halfway mark and has trouble getting back up again from there. It’s very thick on humour, and has a few lolz here and there, but low points are unfortunate robotic toilet humour (yes it gets worse than a yellow Camaro pissing on John Turturro), and The Twins. If you thought Jazz was bad last time round, lookin for a cool place to kick it, li’l bitches, this pair are going to get under someone’s skin the wrong way for slight ethnic overtones. Yet it does have the element of fun, and as much as I hate busy cinemas with uncaring juveniles, us adults had better remember that this is more for them now, and not our old fuddy duddy nerdselves.

BOOM.

To summarise, ROTF is not going to win over hearts with well written story, award winning performances and the fantastic use of shitty alternative rock soundtracks. It’s the biggest popcorn movie you’ll see this summer, it’s mindless fun, you can’t help but be entertained by it somehow (each one of you will have their different reasons, mine was the character of Mikeala, visually), and then you can shout at Michael Bay and tell him it wasn’t awesome enough. Brains at the door, folks, you know the drill….

4 Energon Cubes out of 5

Now make your own explosions. I know the Count will.

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