Blob Zombie

First thing I see this morning, is a little report from Variety, stating that Halloween revamper and erstwhile Psychoholic Slag (yes, I was a huge White Zombie fan and wanted to fit that in somewhere), Rob Zombie has been given the almighty permission to remake the Steve McQueen fifties sci fi romp, The Blob. Not content with continuing with something original again, eh chaps? Im not even going to begin with the WHYYYYYYY’s on this, and it’s already been remade once in 1988 (I had that and Critters on the same VHS, that must make me Video King) which was big business on twilight satellite television.

I’m pretty sure it’s yet another attempt to garner attention for Zombie’s upcoming Halloween II, something I’m really not bothered about as the first “re-imagining” was a tangy sauce made from the finest weak. And in all honesty, this quote is just a shitbomb.

“My intention is not to have a big red blobby thing — that’s the first thing I want to change. That gigantic Jello-looking thing might have been scary to audiences in the 1950s, but people would laugh now.”

Riddle me this, When is a Blob, not a Blob? How the fuck are you supposed to add shape to something referred to as a blob? Look it up in a dictionary, I’m sure you get the result of “an indistinct or shapeless form or object [imitative]” Yet, I see it all now. It’ll take form alright. I’ll peg it down as not a big red blobby thing, but a big red T-1000. Yeah, why not, let’s have The Blob be a fucking shapeshifter. Nnnnng. Considering how Zombie spoke up in an in-depth interview recently and expressed his dislike for sequels and reboots (despite helming a reboot and a sequel to a reboot thus becoming a pot and calling that kettle black), this is, without a shadow of a doubt, a crock of shit.

Hey, remember that theme song? I do. I’ll dance, even if you won’t.

5 Responses to “Blob Zombie”

  1. GW Paperstacks Says:

    About the only thing going for “The Blob” is that it’s called “The Blob” and Steve McQueen was in it. It’s aged terribly and wasn’t all that great to begin with. I say let a hack director have a go at it, can’t be any worse.

  2. Yes I volunteer myself to direct it and suggest changing its name to Blobbo. Did mention lots of teenage nudity and action? Oh my yes.

  3. GW Paperstacks Says:

    I pitch “Blob X” a Wayans fronted picture about a Blob that is created by a Black panther style mlitant army to enslave whitey.

  4. Blob X sure sounds whack!

  5. I pitch not a sci fi horror, but a love story between a boy and his blob. It’s also loosely based on a 1989 Nintendo game, and will involve intergalactic travel and a shit ton of jelly beans.

    I’m also renaming us to Blobbo.

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