Things I Have Watched: A Quickfire Review Method

Alas, once again another blog gets neglected due to the impossible nature of life and what it throws at me. And this isn’t the place to air these woes! This is Blammo, and in my absence, I’ve watched a lot of shit! Some of it great too. So, in an effort to dip my toes into the water once more, and as The Count is soaring through Great Britain on two wheels (down the road on his new moto-byke), I’m going to throw short, simple reviews to cover a lot of ground. We begin with….


An absolute surprise. I had a lot of faith in this movie pre-release, the whole viral marketing was handled superbly well, and numerous watches of Alive In Joburg was enough to sell it. Settle down and watch the whole thing and it’ll blow you away. I guarantee you would not have expected half of the stuff covered in this movie. Well planned, well scripted and captivating enough to make this one of the best sci fi movies of all time. Prawns and cat food will never be the same again, and anything else I write is basically a spoiler. Watch. 5 Fik Yoo’s out of 5!

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

To be honest, as a comic book nerd, it wasn’t THAT bad. Maybe as I’ve watched the blu ray in an environment that is close to home, which would actually be my home, I found it more tolerable. Jackman, in my eyes, has made Wolverine his own, and holds it pretty well here. Ryan Reynolds will be a great Deadpool if they decide to continue the plans of making the 4th Wall breaking movie, but they did fuck him over later on. Alas, the film does suffer from too many character entries that the X-Men films had no time for. Popcorn movie, fine. Purist fan, forget it. 3 Snikt’s out of 5.

The Crank Series

Two films in, both Crank films are an absolute guilty pleasure. They are so ludicrously OTT, you can’t help but find them enjoyable. These things shouldn’t happen, it’s totally unrealistic, yet somehow, maybe due to it’s simplicity, it lures you in and forces you to watch more. Having seen little Statham movies (and I’ve watched In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale), this is captivating shit, featuring the added bonus of Amy Smart riding cock like no other propels these films into a guaranteed post-pub win. 3 Juice Me’s out of 5.

Labyrinth (Blu Ray)

Why people considered this a big deal when it came to a hi-def format escapes me. To put it bluntly, a HD geek like myself can easily see this is no better than a VHS copy of the movie. Transfer wise, it’s shit. Fans of it best stick to the dvd version. And I’m sorry to offend a lot of you, I fucking hate this movie. Jennifer Connelly was no good to me then, ugly Muppets are everywhere, and why the cameras desire to focus on Bowie’s ridiculous crotch escapes me. It was never that big in Dancin’ In The Streets, dammit. 2 Things That Should Stay Buried out of 5.

Dollhouse Season 1

Alright, TV shows don’t get that much of a mention on here. That’s probably due to us not watching a lot of TV shows. This deserves a mention entirely. Written by Joss Whedon, it automatically gains brownie points in the cool factor. Adding my 12th wife, Eliza Dushku into the mix, it’s a bona fide win. That’s a biased opinion as when I watched Faith in Buffy, I was erect for nine weeks. Still, what we have here is a fantastic guessing game of what’s real and what isn’t, and the different adventures on the show expand the ideals that any story can be told with this. Season 2 has just started in the US, so I recommend you get in on the sci fi act now before you rot with some sick disease. 4 Echos out of 5.

This, like all good episodic moments, will be continued tomorrow…..

6 Responses to “Things I Have Watched: A Quickfire Review Method”

  1. Oh, this was FANTASTIC! Even more so when you know the backstory on just how they filmed it. Mostly improvised, building only two sets or so, and utilizing the locals as extras. Brilliant… too bad most of the American audience I walked out with where so dull brained that it did not compute. And I quote: “I didn’t get it but the guns were cool.”… un-quote. Can I come live with you guys?

  2. I should clear up that I’m talking about D9… I loved Labyrinth by the way…but the older I get the more dirty stuff I find in that movie… big surprise a Python wrote it. 😛

  3. I never doubted for a second you’d be talking about Crank in that way. Yes, let’s just all find a disused cinema, convert it into a giant abode for all of us and do nothing but watch films.

    I think I’m still drunk.

  4. GW Paperstacks Says:

    My problem with the crank series is that they seem to get board of thier crazy editing style before the movie is out then when they bring them back suddenly they seem out of place (also for the most part they look like 80’s screenwipes from a vhs home editing machine)

  5. GW Paperstacks Says:

    bored their bored their

  6. For the record I love Labyrinth.

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