Teasing a Nightmare

Whaddya know, the rather anticipated teaser trailer of the “SPITA Nightmare On Elm Street has surfaced online, in an attempt to get people rather excited and semi-hyped for it’s release. I got news for you, pal. I ain’t buying it.

Last I heard of this crazy idea, Jackie Earle Haley was cast as Freddy Krueger, and that the story would be detailing why Freddy was burned alive by the parents of the Elm Street children he’d murdered. Buzz word being “prequel“, and that the parents in this version would’ve blamed Krueger for these murders when he was actually innocent. Great! That captured a glimmer of hope from my purist heart for a moment. So far, on paper it’s got potential to stand out from the crowd of unclean remakes.

Then this happened.

What have you done!?!! What is this! This isn’t a reboot surely, and I can’t see Gus Van Sant’s name anywhere! Scene of Krueger’s hand coming through Nancy’s legs in the bath? That’s here. That’s a familiar looking bedroom scene. I’m sure that was in the original. Help me out if you can here, I’m having trouble spotting the things that are going to make this the “fresh spin” that was promised to the legions of fans. Why’s Krueger talking like The Grinch?

Discuss away. You might dig the trailer. I’m just a grumpy old horror fan, yearning for something that the original Elm Street gave me years ago. My jaw to drop with astonishment at how fucking cool it was. Oh, and Heather Langenkamp.

8 Responses to “Teasing a Nightmare”

  1. What kinda twat producer would… oh.

  2. *Shakes Head, Disgusted* Ok, I’m done with Hollywood. That’s it! I’ve had allllll the crap I’m gonna take from these people. If this is what they are gonna do with a classic after promising a so called “Fresh” spin. I mean at least Zombie tried to do his verison of Halloween not just do over Carpenter’s. Now I’m really scared of what they are gonna do with my Hellraiser… very very scared.

  3. I wouldn’t worry about that too much. We saw Doug Bradley a while back and he’s expressed his distaste for it immensely. Distaste for any of these remakes. God, we listened.

    Hey I’m going to remake…hang on, that’s all the major horror icons remade now isnt it! Fuck it, we’re doing Leprechaun.

    • Wait…did you just say…saw Doug Bradley? And he was talking, live & in person?! Oh wait I think the Count has already told me this. Must be the reaction I have when someone has actually seen the man and I still have not…

      And I’m all in for a Leprechaun remake…and I’ll go one better. Hows about a Critters remake?

  4. GW Paperstacks Says:

    Remake them all! Horror as a genre is tapped out at the moment, why not remake movies that were really bad to begin with. It upsets the fanboys who will see them because they want to hate, it will attract the average punter (a twat) who will tell me how amazing it was the next day and it will attract the casual film fan who will debate if it was worth making in the first place.

    Its a win win for the production team, I’m going to pitch them an idea called “pet cemetary origins” it’s going to be lots of short stories about how much the owners of the pets in pet cemetary loved their animals. The death of “miss miggins” is a tear jerker for sure.

  5. I’m going to pitch some ideas, I hope you don’t mind.

    Poltergeist: Origins. Let’s look at them ancient Indians.

    Night Of The Living. Run of the mill people leading an everyday life.

    Candyman: Beginnings. How Tony Todd fared as Huggy Bear before he found a meathook.

    Adults Of The Corn. Self explanatory.

  6. I was watching Jaws the other day and I thought wouldn’t this film be so much better if they spent half an hour at the start seeing the shark as a happy baby until his mum is killed by a drunken frat-boy on a jet-ski thus explaining why it’s so hungry. And wouldn’t it be an even better film that after Steven Spielberg name appears in the credits they have “Produced by Michael Bay”.

    • I don’t think Spielberg should be associated with any of his old films… after what they did to Indy, I’d be afraid for the shark…

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