What Has Been Watched During Limbo

Hey all you opinion starved media monkeys! Bet you’ve been wondering what’s been up with the world’s greatest blog, huh? Okay, he has, and sir, I thank you for sporting the Blammo! t shirt, having a tattoo of Blammo! on your person, Blammo! as your vehicle registration, and that cabinet in your wardrobe filled with candles and photos of me and The Count. It takes a great investment to support us this way and we can’t wait to phone the relevant authorities!

So, yeah, been slack with posts. But you know, real life’s a prick at best. Let’s now dwell, here I am with some much awaited opinions of films I’ve fallen upon during my absence! Again.

Let’s get the biggie out of the way first:

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY

I was really looking forward to watching this. It appeared to have all the right elements to make a convincing, haunting movie. The low budget spelled “less is more“, and all the hype led up to one of the eagerly anticipated movies this year. Sell out showings, a national demand to get it shown in more than thirty theaters and people admitting to being too scared to sleep with the light off, this juggernaut was gaining a lot of positive feedback. My opinion is slightly mixed though.

Katie and Micah are happily living together in their extravagant home, when Katie says she hears things moving about and groaning. Figuring out it’s not Micah or a pervert, it’s decided it’s a spirit and all the money grows on trees to buy video equipment and computer programs to try and document this happening on film. For it’s merit, PA does a cracking job of not exposing you to the glitz and glamour of ghostly happenings that Hollywood likes to put you through. This is not about what you see and hear, it’s about what you THINK you see and hear. Attack on the senses? A brave attempt. There are some tremendously performed effects, all while the camera is set upon the couple’s bedroom during the night. What exactly warrants a good “scare” though? I don’t know, certainly not a door moving, and a little more than a few thuds.

This was where my problem lies. I think due to immense hyping, you’re watching, and watching, and watching,  just waiting for something to happen. When something does happen, it’s a little flat. Or in relation to the story, absolutely ludicrous. Thus cementing itself as a disposable movie. One watch and then it’s done. I did feel the characters were a little on the weak side, although I wanted to beat the shit out of Micah, so that’s something I guess. Also, what kind of psychic is too terrified to stand in the house of great evil, and NOT offer any further advice as to what to do next! That midget in Poltergeist was the shit. I know who I’m calling upon.

More inactivity than activity, weak character development, and it doesn’t matter which ending you see, it’s stil a little “meh“. Victim of it’s own hype, yet you have to praise the effects on show considering the budget. Classic? No way. Interesting? For one night only.

Paranormal Activity scores 2.5 Caspers out of 5

NEXT!

ZOMBIELAND

What an absolute pleasant surprise this visceral undead romp is! Just when I think pretty much the entire globe has had it up to the back teeth of zombies, this comes along and makes us all sit and watch with elation. Hey ho, ANOTHER zombie apocalypse has happened, and everything’s pretty much gone to shit as everyone eats everyone before someone else shows up and then everyone eats that someone blah blah blah. We’ve been down this road before, and we know what we’re going to get, yet this is served on a platter of Fast-paced with Super Splatter, lashings of Uncontrollable Laughter and a side order of the Greatest Cinematic Cameo Of All Time. Yep, Zombieland delivers fun by the truckload.

This is a zombie comedy, so already people are comparing it to Shaun. You shouldn’t. Shaun’s a different kind of film, undeniable British comedy teetering on it’s homages to the exquisite gore of Romero, Zombieland is nothing but fun. Woody Harrelson is enough to show how much fun a guy can have battering the undead on a daily basis. Theres plotholes, there’s faults, yet there’s genius moments and lines, delivered in a quirky fashion that screams “I’M SO COOL“. Possibly the closest thing to a Left 4 Dead movie yet.

Zombieland scores 4 Church Bell Death From Fleeing Old Ladies out of 5

NEXT!

BLACK DYNAMITE

Eagerly awaited by Blammo!, the Blaxploitation spoof, Black Dynamite does not disappoint at all. That trailer had us laughing for months, and now we’ve seen the result, it can be said that you really don’t need any kind of “From the Assistant of the Teaboy that serves the Make Up Artist of the Producer of SHIT MOVIE” tagline to sell this movie. Hey, that’s because it’s funnier than anything with “Movie” in it’s title since the Wayans tried to be clever all those years ago. I shouldn’t be so mean to them, after all that movie introduced me to Anna Faris. (No..no…carry on with the review…think of “shaking the image away” later…)

Once upon a time, Michael Jai White was Spawn in the comic book adaptation, and uttered the greatest line of “Give me back my dog” to a clown-turned-demon-beast. That was the only line I could use to remind people of what he did. Now he’s Dynamite, where do I begin! It’s crammed with lines that hold a guaranteed laugh everytime you hear them. The Grindhouse style send ups are good fun, in fact I don’t think there’s been so much fun to be had in a spoof movie since Airplane! or even the first Naked Gun. You needn’t be huge into blaxploitation movies either, this movie is concentrated on being silly rather than making reference. My only gripe is that it’s just a little too long than it should be, as towards the end the laughs do falter. Yet because of this, White could become a bigger draw in future movies. Definately one to watch if you’re of sound mind and absolutely hate those evil, evil spoof movies….and Undercover Brother…OOF I WENT THERE.

Black Dynamite scores 4 Jive Turkey Asses out of 5

That will be all for now.

 

2 Responses to “What Has Been Watched During Limbo”

  1. Is Black Dynamite better than the classic “I’m gonna get you Sucka”? thats what the world needs to know.

  2. It’s not even in the same league.

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