Pre-Xmas Argument

If you’re desperate to start an argument with someone during dinner at this seasonal time, then make sure they watch this trailer for the revamped Karate Kid and say how good it is. Honesty prevails here, this looks diabolically WANK. I like to use big bold capital letters to say something’s SHIT and when I do, you know within your souls that my words of it being GASH are true. Some of my family are reading this too. Hi guys. It’s a symptom I have called “Targetted Tourette’s“. I have no control over something like this being FESTERINGSTAGNANTCOCKWASHANDONIONBALLSTAINS.

13 Responses to “Pre-Xmas Argument”

  1. GW Paperstacks Says:

    OK lets start this arguement now then because like most things from the 80’s (Transformers, Thundercats, things of that nature) I don’t seem to have the same respect for them as you, quite frankly I remember Karate Kid as being a bit shit. Karate Kid did however send a bunch of weedy nerd types into Karate schools around Aberys… the world and that is probably for the best as their weak chins and girl like wrist joints would have become a dangerous burden were it not for the teachings of Kung-Fu.
    This remake will do the same for today’s youth as it did for kids 25 years ago (yes… 25 years) and it also has Jackie Chan in it being all Master-like! Yes he made an advert for Woolworth’s but fuck it, he’s still Jackie Chan, he can still run up walls without ladder nor rope. The question is why would you hate the concept of a remake of a twenty year old movie that inspired youths into taking up a Martial Art and in some cases learning respect! The question I’d like you to answer if you would be so kind is why do you feel the need to hate it? If this movie was called something other than Karate Kid would that make it better? I think it’s time you fellows let go of your youth comfort blanket, give it a wash and let someone else have a hold.

  2. I don’t hate the concept of a remake of a twenty year old movie that inspired youths into taking up a Martial Art and in some cases learning respect. No sir. I think the film, on first impressions of it’s trailer, looks total wank.

    Had this not been a remake, it would have still suffered. Do we really want to see Step Up 2 The High School Kung Fusical, because this is what it is. It’s positives will be Jackie Chan beating up kids, and Jacket on, jacket off is going to become one of the most worn out internet jokes in 2010. But as it stands, I don’t want to watch this, again not for the reason of IT’S TAKING A CRAP ON MY CHILDHOOD suggested, but for the reason of it offending my eyes.

  3. And now…the pedant’s answer!

    I learned Taekwondo because of the first movie because that was right.

  4. As a nerdy type from Aberys… I’m actually quite pleased by the balanced arguments offered here.

    Karate Kid, like other 80s franchises, pissed on its own legacy along time ago by making some horrible, horrible sequels. However I genuinely loved the original and, though I can understand the studio remaking it for the current generation, I find this whole thing hideous… and this is why:

    1) Jackie Chan does Kung Fu and not Karate thus making this an immediate joke. Call it the ‘Kung Fu Kid’ and, in my mind, the problem is solved.

    2) The whole ‘rebooting’ trend is stupid. This is Karate Kid 5 (if we’re not taking my brilliant Kung Fu suggestion to heart) so call it Karate Kid 5.

    3) I love Jackie Chan as much as the next man (I still believe the Woolworths advert was a horrible dream) but Jaden Smith is an appalling actor with zero charisma. I know he’s Hollywood royalty so him getting parts is inevitable but just as putting Danny Trejo in anything makes it awesome the, rather unfortunate, opposite effect happens with this little chappy.

    4) The original Karate Kid was about how a poor master creates poor students. This plot seems to be closer to, the weaker, Karate Kid 2, where Myagi and Daniel travel to Okanawa and, stupidly, fight and defeat the locals at their own game.

    5) Have you seen this trailer? It looks utter wank.

  5. GW Paperstacks Says:

    I’m fairly sure I supend disbelief on Jackie Chans Karate skills, as I have for the last 20 years, lets remember he was a dancer first and formost (I do however think Kung-Fu Kid has a great ring). Secondly I have no love for Jaden Smith, but much like Macchio he’s a good looking kid who fits a part. At least Jaden Smith looks a bit weedy, Macchio looked like a guido, you know he grew up to do a bunch of steroids and punch his girl around in a bar.

    Lastly I don’t actually buy any of the DvS’s points, because they don’t exist, you seem to be bemoaning the state of modern cinema as opposed to a movie you’re clearly quite offended about being remade, we know you hate it because you’ve been hating on it for quite some time based on the poster alone. The original Karate Kid looks like a TV Movie by modern standards, but in the 80’s it looked very of its time. movies look like “step up” as you put it because Step-Up is a modern movie and so is that movie about illegal street fighting and any of the fast and furious movies, they all look the same because the studio wants them to look the same.

    So I disagree, it doesn’t look shit, it looks modern, you’re old.

  6. For those that don’t know here’s that first time we saw the poster.

    https://blammoshark.wordpress.com/2009/12/01/todays-excitement-for-the-poster-people/

    I don’t think I’m making myself clear enough here. I haven’t mentioned at all how it’s “breaking my heart theyre fucking with my favourite movie of all time/my childhood is ruined/I hate you mum”. I’m not actually a massive fan of the first Karate Kid as much as others, probably nowhere near in fact. My gripe with it is that it’s a rather unecessary release. And if I’m appearing to whine about modern cinema whilst mentioning this, it’s surefire linked as it returns us to the point that there is a huge struggle for film makers to break into the market because the studios want the “old is new” formula, sugar coated with your mentioned “look like this” sprinklings.

    The only thing it may have in common with the original is that incidents in school yards of kids kicking each other in the face will be on the increase. I only wish my Daddy was successful to spoonfeed me my career!

  7. GW Paperstacks Says:

    Again with the poorly thought out arguments, you’re really not very good at this internet agruing melarky, don’t you know that all opnions are subject to rigorous checks!

    You say that apparently this “rebooting” has made the struggle for a new film maker to come through harder, well thats simply not true. The director is the Dutch guy who produced Dead Snow, its only his third venture into Hollywood and yes Agent Cody Banks and The Pink Panther 2 are probably shit, but lets ask the film maker inside you, if you were given the opportunity to do any of his three movies, in Hollywood, with a nice budget and access to Hilary Duff would you do it? I’m sure somewhere in this director is an epic waiting to come out, but if he can get his profile up by making Karate Kid with the Fresh Prince’s spawn then damn right you would.

    With mid-budget remakes come mid-budget directors and if making “Weird Science reboot” gets me one step closer to touching famous tits then I’m going to get Final Draft warmed up.

  8. Oh, I’m terribly sorry, your fucking majesty, one did not realise the horrors that would befall one’s family if they didn’t bow down to your true opinion.

    Okay fine, the guy was at the helm of Agent Cody Banks. How many people talk about that? My kids dont. Granted one is 3.5 years old and can’t speak properly but still, daughter classes it as a throwaway movie. Dead Snow. I think I’m one of about 16 people who’ve actually seen the thing. Pink Panther 2. I couldn’t even have that on my CV. The film maker inside me would maintain artistic integrity, abandon the remakes altogether and try and get some new characters on screen. Fresh, original and posessing qualities a viewer could either sympathize with, or relate to in some shape or form. Hilary Fucking Duff would have to sign a contract to commit to anal or soapy titwanks to get her in my movie. I’ve seen War Inc. That’s really not enough.

    The fact people are resorting to remaking films that arent even a decade old makes it a problem. We sit on IM’s every night and dream up fantastical ideas, yet according to the big leagues, it’s not what the people want. If the studios paid attention to what the people actually wanted, more films like Moon, District 9, even World’s Greatest Dad would be made. The news wouldn’t be about what the next deveolpment in a remake of The Burbs could be, it’d be about original movies. That’s my point.

  9. GW Paperstacks Says:

    And my point that you seem happy to gloss over in your dog eaten rant is that original movies don’t just get made on the fly by young aspiring directors, sometimes you get lucky and make a movie on your mobile phone that gets attention, but unless they have the worlds greatest showreel like the District 9 guy you’re going to be subject to a long painful process of metaphorically sucking cock, and possibly literally sucking a cock.

    One does not simply walk into Hollywood and say… hey I got this great movie about a little alien who runs around saving his mates. Its a long process of doing the biddings of a studio until they allow you some free reign (now… suck my cock). So I again put it to you that Mr Agent Cody Banks probably knew he was making a piece of shit as he was making it, but as the All Star Friends saying goes… “my hands are tied!”, lets not forget he was producer on Dead Snow, if that’s not making something original using money from directing shitty movies then what is?

  10. None of this changes the fact that Karate Kid looks shit. It doesnt matter if it is a remake of an 80s film or that the director is capable of making original films. The trailer of this film is shit.

  11. GW Paperstacks Says:

    Luckily its not aimed at you, its aimed at kids, who karate.

  12. A film aimed at kids doesnt have to be shit. If a kid finds a film aimed at them to be shit then theres a problem. Solution is to let DvS’s daughter watch the trailer and then we’ll know. The alexander solution to our gordian knot.

  13. GW Paperstacks Says:

    Agreed, get your windowless van out of retirement, we got to go round up some kids.

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