The DvS, five movies he liked from 00-09, and some silly comments afterwards

It’s quite hard making these lists when you think about it. Considering how many films come out a year, and then sifting through a decade’s worth of our circle enjoying about three a year, that left me with thirty films to choose from, because I’m so good at maths. So I’m not picking outrageously epic and predictable choices, I’m just picking out the titles that I really enjoyed over the years. Except one, because it’s an outrageously epic and predictable choice. Onward!


If anything, part of this decade has given us a glutton of great European horror movies, Dead Snow, The Orphanage, Martyrs, and my choice here in [REC]. A lot of people are familiar with this through Quarantine, the American version which is virtually the same movie albeit with different locations, people and hideous lingo. Whilst watching it, I generally felt disturbed. But enough about Quarantine. Seriously, though, [REC] is a great movie, you begin with the set up of a quarantined apartment building and a news crew arriving on scene to document what’s going on, what the cause is and why it’s sectioned off. As the film goes along, the atmosphere is incredibly built up, causing jumps and frights along the way, building up to an absolutely deranged climax that leaves a far better impression implanted on the brain than three endings of Paranormal Activity could bring.


I don’t have a load of experience in this world of cinema compared to my compatriots and chums, but I know for a fact I loved The Machine Girl to the core, because it was unashamedly batshit insane, it was covered in splatterings and splatterings of blood and was the perfect movie to sit down with like minded souls and have a chuckle. Through this, I discovered Tokyo Gore Police and somehow it’s managed to amplify the claret and lunacy onscreen given to us by The Machine Girl. TGP has the winning edge to give it the placement here, as it is a spectacle to see. Body modification is sported with bio-fused weaponry, turning people into “Engineers”, thus these folk leading a life of EVIL CRIME! To combat this threat, the Engineer Hunter in charge happens to be Eihi Shiina. You may know her as the girl in Audition, and you’ll know her stomach is made of cast iron. You should also be aware that there are penis guns and lactating attacks, soon to be seen again in Robogeisha. And you should also know that it’s really not for the squeamish, and the following trailer is a little NSFW.


Changing the tone now is a small, slightly unheard-of movie by the name of Mirrormask. Written by Neil Gaiman (who delivered that Statuesque short posted previously, wrote Coraline and Stardust, and whose Sandman comic series is hailed as one of the greatest series of all time) and developed by The Jim Henson Studio, it’s near enough Labyrinth-esque as any film has been since that was released. Storywise, it’s not the most original of ideas. A young girl stumbles into a fantasy world, after wanting to leave the circus she’s attached to, and in order to return home, she must find the fabled Mirrormask, but only after she’s embarked on a great journey through this world to find it. Wouldn’t be much of a story if she just went there and came back again. What truly made this, for me, were the visuals. Sure it’s no Pan’s Labyrinth by any means, but being a fan of the work of artist Dave McKean for as long as I can remember, seeing his pieces become animated are truly breathtaking. Innovative and unique creatures, set pieces and characters are on show here, and in terms of dreamscapes, the team of Gaiman and McKean deliver a captivating experience. Here’s one of it’s “beautiful” scenes.


Yes it’s full of faults, yes it’s ludicrous, but I enjoyed it! All hail a monster movie that had nothing to do with Matthew Broderick or Roland Emmerich! What is it to some? B-Movie? Pile of shit? Guilty pleasure? Entertainment, to me. I’d said in a review in a previous incarnation that this was the type of movie I’d been yearning for in a long time, and it was also the most loudest film I’ve sat through in a cinema. If anything, JJ Abrams, Matt Reeves and crew produced a movie that got a lot of people talking about it, even before the movie was out, and especially afterwards with the speculation running rampant via viral campaigns, deep analysis and websites devoted to uncovering the truth behind the monster. Also, the shakycam approach allowed people to join in the survival aspect instead of the “this is how we’re going to kill it” approach. Run, fuckers, run! Oh, and Lizzy Kaplan was really, really nice. Monster, indeed.

And finally….



What they said was unfilmable ended up being one of the decade’s greatest success stories. Not only did Peter Jackson make the series of Tolkien books totally accessible to a new generation, he also got two of these movies released in the gap between The Phantom Menace and Attack Of The Clones, making Lucas’ third instalment seem incredibly weak compared to how “epic” should look. I’m choosing Fellowship here, pretty much for the same reasons as The Count did. Unlike him though I didn’t mind ROTK, as I loved the execution of the battle on Pelennor Fields. Two Towers’ Helm’s Deep fight is again amazing to watch, save for Legoland the Pretty Elf going all Ninja Turtle on a shield. Alas, Fellowship started the ball rolling here, and out of all three movies, I don’t think there was ever an emotional scene as the final moments of Boromir. Excellently crafted, LOTR will serve as an example that no other movie of it’s ilk has yet to achieve.

Note: Why is it so hard to find a LOTR video without fucking Linkin Park or Evanesence dubbed over it?!

One Response to “The DvS, five movies he liked from 00-09, and some silly comments afterwards”

  1. I hated Mirrormask. It felt like someone had borrowed Neil Gaiman’s visuals and tried to remake Labyrinth… but with no wit and the worst acting I’ve ever seen.

    Not seen [rec] though but have heard lots of praise for it. Maybe i’ll watch it tonight… or maybe I’ll watch Transformers 2 cos it’s not in foreign yeah and has megan fox and she’s fit.

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