One Eyed Monster

Okay, it’s hat eating time. I had One Eyed Monster originally lined up to be a Bleeding Eyes entry, for it’s premise was so absurd, it would’ve made itself at home in that category and amused the neighbours. Surprisingly, it’s managed to avoid this label by being entertaining! Who could have ever said that about a killer dick movie? Yeah, I said killer dick. Stop laughing, this is serious business.

This cock horror is about an adult film making group, who retreat to a remote mountain shack to film Ron Jeremy get it on with Veronica Hart, and to make the film their way without the hassles of “suits” dictating how it should be done. The crew then gets stranded thanks to a enormous blizzard. You’re gripped already aren’t you? I’m sorry, there may be a few penile quips here and there. Ron then gets attacked by a happen-to-be-passing-alien, who’s parasitic ability seizes control of Ron’s member and DETACHES IT FROM HIS VERY BEING. The now sentient cock proceeds to go on a murdering spree, shafting it’s victims to death with horrific nine inches. It’s an idea that we all wished we’d thought of, right?.

The main surprise here is that it hasn’t taken the usual approach of delivering cheesy lines, spoofing and spraying the screen with thick splodges of the red stuff, as you might expect with a movie like this. Far from it, there’s some nifty ideas executed here. There’s homages to some of the classics such as Alien and The Thing amongst others, that are delivered far better than any of the big parody movies could ever do. Also worth noting is the distinct lack of gore and sex you might have been hoping for. The movie runs better for it, as it’s not relying on a pointless death of spraying blood on walls for the hell of it. Oh my god, that’s me actually caring for it’s characters! There’s good reason too since there is no tongue-in-cheek here, every role is actually played seriously as if it could actually happen. AND IT COULD, I TELL YOU. Effects look decent considering the content, and I can’t say anything about the movie’s big, climax. No, there was no escaping that one either.

It’s going to be frowned upon, but in all honesty, it shouldn’t be written off. Sure, it’s selling point is Jeremy and Amber Benson (Tara from Buffy the Vampire Slayer), emblazoned as it’s top stars, it’s low budget and preposterous cover blurb isn’t going to draw in the masses, but there’s no way it’s entirely disposable. This is one for the post-pub crowd, yet it’s not one you have to be absolutely wankered for. Oh look another dick pun.

One Eyed Monster comes in (stoppit now) with 3 ejaculations out of 5.

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