I want my eyes to bleed again…

I was just flicking through the internet, as you do, and stumbled across the sheer horror that I only managed to see once as a child, is being released on DVD for the first time in the UK. Yes, the kingdom united, December the 13th is a day to remember. It’s a day where you will remember my harsh warning when you walk into your local DVD emporium and see the (possibly overpriced) offending item on the shelf. I’m talking about the indescribable events that take place within the world of The Garbage Pail Kids.

The year is 1987. We’re all young little scamps, running around pretending we’re Street Hawks, Airwolves and Knight Riders (even the girls were at it), being tortured by our parent’s dodgy tastes in music when they were drunk (something about Disco Sheep haunts me to this day), and sorting through our collections of Garbage Pail Kids trading cards. How we loved them! A complete gross out parody of the cutesy Cabbage Patch Kids, there’s nothing we enjoyed more than taking our 375+ collection of cards with an overpowering essence of crappy chewing gum into the school yards and impressing others with our Eerie Ernie’s or our Adam Bomb’s.  Then we also discovered you get that essence on your clothes, you will reek all month no matter how hard you wash.

So, again, we go back to the days of how great the video shops were. Being at the age where what you’re collecting is suddenly a movie you had no idea was happening, and there it was right before your very eyes, it instantly demands your attention. Not necessarily your respect because you’re only ten or eleven years old, and making a Blammo is a long way off yet. Yet look, it’s trailer time! imagine this on the front end of your rented video of American Rabbit.

We’re all agreed then that looked bollocks? Great! Then please join me on December the 13th, for I’m going to resurrect the Bleeding Eyes segment, as this cannot be ignored. Windy Winston and Ali Gator are going to be nothing else but HILARIOUS. They were back then, because we really didn’t know better. Maybe that was the best state of mind to employ…

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