Archive for the The Guest Spot Category

Monsters: Lost in Transmutation

Posted in Indie Movies about nothing, Reviews, Teh Awesome, The Guest Spot with tags , on November 27, 2010 by GW Paperstacks

There is a long held opinion around the watercooler at the Blammo offices and it’s one of the few things we all agree on, Monster movies should deal with the struggle of a few people instead of tackling the big picture.

The average armchair viewer can’t feel empathy towards the military man who single-handedly destroys the alien threat, but they can draw some parallels with their own lifestyle if the hero of a monster movie is a fat bloke who’s trying to save himself. Cloverfield was a fine example of this theory in action. YES! A monster was attacking New York, but what the fuck were a bunch of rich kids from Brooklyn going to do about it? Nothing! Instead of following a story about how a space alien was delt with by the military we had a movie about how a bunch of friends saved a really hot girl and attempted to get evacuated like everyone else.

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Scott Pilgrim & The Blammo Adventure

Posted in Reviews, The Guest Spot, The Saviour of Blammo on September 15, 2010 by GW Paperstacks

Scott Pilgrim vs The World is the movie adaptation of a 6 part comic series by Bryan Lee O’Malley, which lets face it nobody had ever heard of before it was picked up by Edgar Wright and made into a movie! It stars Michael Cera as Scott Pilgrim who falls in love with a cute girl and has to battle her seven evil ex’s to win her heart… no really thats what it’s about.

Full disclosure before we kick off, I’m gay for Michael Cera (no homo). I’ve been reading a lot of comments recently (not on here obviously, we don’t get any comments aside from rants from butthurt assistant directors and drunks.) and I’ve noticed a trend I just didn’t see coming… You people hate Michael Cera! I don’t understand?! I’ve been a fan since he first explained what a “mayonegg” was in Arrested Development, I’ve seen most of his stuff since then and whist Year One was pretty much the worst movie I’ve ever seen,  I can’t really put the blame on Cera and it certianly wouldn’t stop me from enjoying any other Micahel Cera projects.

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Greenberg (Stiller, Baumbach, Murphy… HIPSTERTASTIC!)

Posted in Indie Movies about nothing, Reviews, The Guest Spot, The Saviour of Blammo on July 18, 2010 by GW Paperstacks

The king of twee indie movies is back! I of course refer to myself, as the number one consumer of the “side project” movie of famous acting stars. I’m an officianado of “that indie movie”, the movie you see the poster for but never think to download, rent or buy. I live for the low budget, deep thinking movie that has words like “whipsmart” and “thoughtful” accredited to them by hipster bloggers who don’t grasp english words like what I does.

Greenberg is Ben Stiller’s “side project” and if you’re being cynical about it, can also be credited as his “going serious” role. It does have a great deal more star status however; the screenplay is based on a story by Jennifer Jason Lee (who has a bit part in the movie) and adapted to screen by Noah Baumbach who wrote The Life Aquatic and Fantastic Mr Fox… which makes him a bonafide genius, right? The movie is also scored by James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem fame, one of my favourite bands. I’m pretty sure this movie was aimed directly at me!

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The Guest Spot: Predators

Posted in Reviews, The Guest Spot with tags , , , , , on July 12, 2010 by The DvS

Predators opened this weekend, and I didn’t get to go and see it due to animated green ogres intervening and stealing my kids for near ninety minutes. Thankfully, my longtime chum, JackDaMone, went along and offered his services to review it for the Blammo Massive. Why he didn’t offer to pay for my ticket is another story. I would’ve paid for my own hot dog and drink.  No that’s fine, take your wife, I’ll starve and be bored….

Anyway, this is his virgin opinion, so we’re popping his cherry. Off you go, son.

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Birdemic: Shock and Terror – Flocking Awful

Posted in Bleeding Eyes, Reviews, The Guest Spot, The Saviour of Blammo on April 24, 2010 by GW Paperstacks

David Gordon Green (Pineapple Express) once said of Kevin Smith that his success with Clerks hadn’t made getting into the industry any easier, but rather turned the indie film industry into a special Olympics. Birdemic takes that theory to the extreme, its not hard to imagine off the back of his huge internet following that director James Nguyen could be gifted a budget to make another movie and that is just wrong!

Birdemic: Shock & Terror is a truly awful movie that is missing basic movie making fundamentals and shouldn’t be watched by anyone.

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BIG TITS ZOMBIE in 3D

Posted in Asian Cinema, Previews, The Guest Spot, The Saviour of Blammo, World Cinema on April 17, 2010 by GW Paperstacks

If a film title defined how great a movie would be then this movie “Big Tits Zombie in3D” would be the greatest movie of all time! Sadly “Lesbian Vampire Killers” and the misleading “Young People Fucking” tell us that we shouldn’t get excited just yet and a genius title doesn’t guarantee a genius film… This press release however suggests genius.

Dear My Friends,

Are you already bored with the movies about girls in school uniforms swinging their weapons around? What? Ninja? Geisha girls? No, no, that’s all way too old fashioned. But the waiting is over as we present an incredibly Japanese style of movie. And look, if you’re bored with watching recent mass‐produced erotica and those grotesque movies, we are offering a new challenge, something awesome! Yes, 3D!

Our new movie is about pretty girls with big tits and zombies and it’s in 3D! It will be absolutely the best movie you have ever seen. No mistake. It’s a violent, action movie full of taboos. It’s up to you to watch it or not. Are you ready?

You’ll be convulsed with laughter at this previously unthinkable storyline brought to you by TMC&CONCEPT FILM CO, LTD. It’s based on the notorious comic book “Big Tits Dragon” which was banned from most stores. They said it would be impossible to put that story on the big screen but we did! And, as a special treat, our new movie “Big Tits Zombie” is in 3D (anaglyph method)! Yes, exactly as you imagine, big tits will pop up right in front of your face! Meanwhile, the hideous zombies will close in on and fight against the scantily‐dressed girls.

BIG TITS ZOMBIE in 3D!!!
Deadly DD‐Cups!!!
A bloody Armageddon has begun!

Rena Jodo (Sola Aoi) is a stripper who just got back from Mexico and she has been offered a gig at a hot spring resort. When she arrives, she finds a deserted country town. There’s hardly anyone in the audience at the strip club and all the other strippers, including Ginko (Risa Kasumi), Maria (Mari Sakurai), Nene (Tamayo) and Dana (Io Aikawa) are all bored stiff. They don’t know what to do with their time and they are on the verge of fighting each other.

When they decide to go down to the basement of the club to kill time, Maria finds a “Book of the Dead” near “the Well of the Spirit.” But who could have imagined the horror and panic that find would bring? Maria’s reading of the book out loud has somehow revived the dead and zombies start appearing all over the world attacking mankind. It’s Hell in the real world!

Dana and Nene are bitten by the zombies and they turn into living dead who attack Rena and Ginko. The poor big‐bosomed babes have no choice but to fight against Maria who now rules the zombies and tries to establish a kingdom of zombies. Rena and Ginko have to challenge Maria and the hordes of zombies! And how does the Blue Demon Devil (Minoru Torihada) fit in?

Charming Sola Aoi who has a splendid figure (bust: 35 inches/ waist: 23 inches/ Hip: 33 inches) is the star of the film. Sola has a baby face and a dynamite body. Her unbalanced attractions made her a big star in the world of adult videos and recently she started appearing in films and TV dramas. She is not only popular in Japan but also in other Asian countries, especially Taiwan, where she is nicknamed “Baby Face Big Tits.” Sola has been welcomed passionately every time she has visited Asian countries. In fact, so many fans and mass media rushed to the airport to see her that her arrival itself became headline news.

Stay tuned for more information I stole from better websites.

ARE YOU A SHARK OR A SHEEP?

Posted in Previews, The Guest Spot, The Saviour of Blammo on January 29, 2010 by GW Paperstacks

The point is, ladies and gentlemen, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right, greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all it’s forms; greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked an upward surge for mankind. And greed, you mark my words, will not only save Teldar Paper, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA.

Interesting fact, when I go to acting auditions I use the Gordon Gekko address to Teldar Paper to show off my great delivery and passion for acting. I am excited more than most people then (apparently more than everyone as I’ve not even heard a new Wall Street was in the offering) at the prospect of another giant speech from recovering  sex addict (and Welsh woman botherer) Michael Douglas to rant out at an unimpressed table of casting people who were looking for “someone less like you”.

Let hope this movie can kick start the economy, and not only save Oliver Stones recent run of poor form, but also my acting career and that other malfunctioning corporation THE USA! (and scene).