Archive for megan fox

Transformers: Nothing like Pink Floyd. Shush.

Posted in News, Previews, Trailers with tags , , , , on December 9, 2010 by The DvS

Dark Of The Moon? Really? That’s the best you could come up with? Sounds tragic on name alone.

Nevertheless, Michael Bay is back with his take on big robots who seem really crap at hiding. The third instalment of Transformers is on the way, and Blammo don’t half love a bit of robot on robot action. Well, personal opinon differs amongst us all, but even though Megan Fox has departed (SHAME, no really I’m serious, I love her. LOVE. A LA STALK), we still have those lovely little clunk click noises to look forward to!

We needn’t analyse anything here. There’s a situation involving the first men on the moon (not HG Wells folks. Sorry, run along…) and it’s clearly been covered up that they run into a Decepticon ship on the moon and potentially awake something that’s probably not going to do very well on the toy stakes unless it’s really cool in the movie. Don’t you hate that? Your big bad in your film is £3.97 in Toys R Us within four weeks of release? BOOOOO.

Tease us then. I enjoyed them clunks and clicks.

Hex Appeal

Posted in News, Previews, Trailers with tags , , , , , on April 29, 2010 by The DvS

Good job for Jonah Hex, that I had this post title saved for this DC Comics western and refused to share it with witches, hags and covenants. If you don’t know much about  Jonah Hex, don’t worry, I don’t either, but Josh Brolin plays the badass outlaw with a hilarious…no sorry, hideous facial deformity. This also features Megan Fox as a damsel with no waist. Odd. Is this even a western? Badface and No Waist would make a much better title. You’d get my ticket as they really sound more cowboy than anyone could hope for.

Can someone shed some light about Jonah Hex for us? I’ve read one book and watched an episode of Batman: TAS with him inolved in a hot air balloon hijack. Seemed real bizarre and his eye grew a lot.

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In regards to Red Sonja..

Posted in News with tags , , , on April 6, 2010 by The DvS

I’m gonna keep this quick and short.

NO.

YES.

Okay, got that? Good. See to it.

The Count Counts Down 3 of the Worst

Posted in A Retrosepctive with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 18, 2009 by The Count

Now I know many both want and expect me to just post three Michael Bay or Brett Ratner movies and leave it like that but, though both Pearl Harbor and Transformers 2 came very close to being added to this list, they do (and I feel I’m betraying myself here) have slight redeeming qualities: the cinematography and effects are simply amazing.  Fucking terrible films yes… but not without some minor, unrelated to their director, qualities.

Also I’ve not chosen utter tripe that I watch on Zone Horror on a weekly basis (fuck you Day of the Dead 2) as I find it unfair to compare a movie made for a few grand with one that could possibly buy you a small country in the Caribbean. Nor have I mentioned Indiana Jones for raping movies in this decade in the way The Phantom Menace did in the last (not sure why that didn’t make the list actually)…

And so I’ve chosen films that really offended me on every level instead of just the ‘racist robots, stick a camera up Megan Fox’s vagina‘ type levels:

Continue reading

Fox Woman rumous

Posted in News, Rumous with tags , , , , , , , , on August 26, 2009 by The Count

Yeah well I couldn’t be bothered to think of a better pun as this is clearly untrue but anyways:

Megan Fox has signed up to play Catwoman in the next Batman movie. (The Sun.com)

Okay here we go again.

1)  No way would Chris Nolan cast someone with this calibre of (non) acting skills and

2) They haven’t even written the script yet so why would they start casting?

Then again, as mentioned on WWTDD.com, The Sun were the people that officially announced Eddie Murphy as The Riddler a few months ago so take what you like from this – for us it means we get to put up a pic for the Megan Fox fans out there who, I am certain, there are countless.

Regardless whether this is true or not (it isn’t) this will be rather bad news for Miley Cyrus who apparently was extremely keen to get this part.  Insert achey breaky heart pun here.

Thanks to GW Paperstacks for the story.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (A Second Opinion)

Posted in Reviews with tags , , , on June 26, 2009 by The Count

Dear Christ!  I just got back from the cinema and I’m numb.  I won’t go into depth about Transformers 2 as TheDVS has already discussed the details earlier this week so this should really only be read after his review and is only included as a very slightly different opnion on the film than what he offers.

Ever been around someone that is so full on and full of life that they exhaust you?  That’s Transformers 2.  Somehow simultaneously very exciting and thoroughly boring this is Michael Bay by numbers.

Bordering on racist and sexist yet show casing the kind of action and CGI quality that you won’t see any where else, Transformers is neither quite as bad as I expected yet, and I really can’t stress this enough, still absolutely dreadful.  Where Terminator 4 was a poor but watchable movie, Transformers 2 is a poor movie dragged out to an excruciating two and a half hours long.  Trimming a full hour off would certainly have helped the film and I think even allow it to gain the 3 out of 5 score I gave the original (a mark I still stand by though I personally now find the film unwatchable).

However as it is Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen still suffers from the same problems the first film had (the film makers seem confused as to whether this is a farce aimed at 8 year olds or an action flick for grown ups) with an almost pornographic camera approach to the shot choices of how to film the women and vehicles.  Again, though the direction seems to have come from the ‘Dummy’s Guide to How to Shoot a TV Commercial’ book the real problem is in the writing.  A plot so appalling the exposition has to keep repeating what’s going on through out and characters so two dimensional they make the cartoon original, pre 1986 movie, show seem like an episode of The Wire.

However I can’t help but wonder how anyone could really expect more from a Michael Bay movie.  It’s loud, stupid and sexy and you’re all equally to blame as myself for paying to see it.

2 ‘As Long as a David Lean Epic but with the depth of Itchy and Scratchy cartoons’ out of 5